Cravings!!!

Well, I was trying this "positive thinking" thing with this pregnancy. Last time I had morning sickness, scratch that, I had progesterone poisoning ALL DAY EVERY DAY until I was 13 weeks. I couldn't eat anything except canteloupe and grapes. I would take off running to the bathroom thinking I might actually feel better if I could just puke. (Sorry for the mental picture, I tried to think of a nice way to say throw up, heave, blow chunks, but honestly, there is no nice way to say that.) Anyway, I never could puke. I even tried to tickle that hangy thing in the back of my throat, to no avail. Talk about misery. So, this time I decided I did not want to be sick again and I thought if I could think it enough, I could "will" it to happen.

It didn't work.

It started creeping in last Sunday but I tried to supress it for a couple of days. Then it hit full force on Wednesday. I couldn't think of any kind of food without gagging a little. After a failed attempt at eating lunch, a co-worker suggested a spoon full of peanut butter. It actually did help for a while. So that night I put my peanut butter and a spoon on my night stand. Thursday morning I woke up and tried it again, and it seemed to help. But as I was getting ready to leave, I kept thinking about something else. I just really wanted something else. Wanna know what it was? Of course you do!

Pickles!!!

I like pickles normally, but not so much for breakfast. I can even say that this is a little strange. I think my hubby and my co-workers got a little chuckle out of this one.

Glad I could provide a laugh.

Anyway, I never liked tomatoes until I was pregnant the first time. My granny offered me a bite of her tomato sandwich one day and I was like "Are you kidding me? That's disgusting." Then, about 2 weeks later, she was eating another one and I started salivating. I said "Hey granny, can I have a bite?" And thus started my love affair with all things tomato. I ate at least 50 tomato sandwiches, spaghetti, pizza, tomatoes on my salads.... It's just as good this time around too. LOVE spaghetti!

The first time around I also NEEDED a cup of coffee every day. I thought I might die if I did not get my one cup of coffee every morning. This go round, I could die if I SMELL the coffee in the morning. Really don't want any at all. Excuse me while I gag just thinking about it.

Ok, I'm back. I just wanted to document some of the craziness this time. I wish I had a blog when I was pregnant with Caden. I know I have forgotten so much. Babies kill brain cells. Oh yes, they most certainly do. You gotta love em', but you will never be as smart after you have babies. Don't know what it is, but it happens.

Well, it's my bedtime. 9:00pm Somehow all of a sudden, 15 hours of sleep doesn't even feel like enough, so I better get to bed early as I can with a 3 year old.

Night Night!

A Certain Aura of God's Splendor

Have you ever thought that life just isn't fair?



Why do bad things happen to me all the time?


I just can't catch a break.

Well, maybe you haven't, but I sure have. It seems like some of the worse things happen to me quite often. Just within the past 2-3 weeks I have had a flat tire on the way to work, been in a car accident with my son on the way to work (later that day is when I found out I'm pregnant), had to replace the battery in my car because it wouldn't start, my husband hit his head and was out of work for a week with a severe concussion, and I could honestly keep going. I will admit that sometimes I get in a pity party and think Oh, woe is me. And sometimes I get so mad or frustrated that I just scream a little, (or a lot). Then, there are times when I think it's just my "luck" and I have to laugh it off. But, I came across this story one day while reading a caringbridge page for a little girl that had recently died from a horrible brain tumor. I had read her parents journal entries about how they found out she had this tumor and there was nothing that could be done. I read the ups and downs as they tried to treat her and make her comfortable in her last days, and I read as they said goodbye to their baby that was gone too soon.

My little boy is just as healthy as he can be. I'm in good health, my husband is in pretty good health, we have been given another baby on the way, we both have jobs, we have a nice place to live, we go to what I think is the greatest church in the world, we have good friends, we are close to our families, and most importantly, we are saved by God's wonderful amazing grace and will someday go to spend eternity in heaven. Look at what God has done for me. Now, what was that about a dead car battery?

You see, sometimes you simply have to deal with the "clouds" in life to be able to appreciate the beauty of the SON.

I hope you enjoy this as much as I have.

My brethren, count it all joy when ye fall into divers temptations; Knowing this, that the trying of your faith worketh patience. But let patience have her perfect work, that ye may be perfect and entire, wanting nothing.
James 1:2-4

Have you ever risen early in the morning with one purpose to watch the sun rise?

I especially like to take time for sunrises, so I purposefully chose to rise early each day during my vacation. One morning I found myself sitting on the dock facing east, looking for the sun to rise up over the lake. Another morning I sat on the long veranda of a century-old hotel gazing at the Ohio River, waiting for the golden glow that would announce the sun's arrival. Days later, toward the end of my trip, I wrapped myself in a heavy blanket and curled up in the glider on the front porch of the cabin where I had spent the night. Peering over the Utah landscape, once again I searched the horizon. Soon a bright orange blaze appeared, forcing me to close my eyes because of its brilliance. In a few seconds, with wide-opened eyes, I continued my search for the morning's drama, only to see a half globe sitting on top of the mountains. I kept watching, not wanting to miss the spectacular sight. Then, in another blink of an eye, the sun lifted itself from the peaks, and hung there in the sky - a perfect golden circle. That was it. It went so quick. The sun had come up, creeping into the day, and now it simply dangled a yellow ball in the air, surrounded by blue, looking like a child's simple drawing. For a few minutes I pondered my disenchantment with this particular sunrise.

Is there such a thing as an incomplete, imperfect sunrise?

At that moment I believed there was. I had just experienced it. And, I remembered others like it, somewhat lackluster.

Why had the sunrise not impressed me this day?

Where was all the drama I had expected?

Then I realized there is no drama in a sunrise without clouds.

Clouds - they've been given a bum rap, but all along, these predictors of bad weather, these symbols of negativity, sadness, blues, and gloom really serve to expand light, reflect color, cast dazzling rays, and paint incredible scenes in the sky. A sunrise without clouds is like a life without trials and hardships. I do all I can to avoid challenges and difficulties, but the fact is the so called "clouds" in my life can cast me in a certain aura of God's splendor. A life free of complications and struggles can resemble a bland sunrise … little contrast, seemingly dull artistry, and little context in which I can reflect the Son.

Truth is, the people I respect and admire most are those whose lives have been filled with "clouds" but they walk through any weather with God. These people walk in splendor, surrounded with a certain attractive and hard-to-capture beauty. They are people I seek out on a regular basis. I pursue them because I want to bask in their glow and confidence. They leave me in awe. One thing is sure, I'm never disappointed when I find myself in the company of those who have learned to rise up in the midst of clouds. They don't seek to avoid cloudy days; rather they stand up to walk in dignity, accepting the brilliant contrasts and magical rays God can create despite and through their adversity. It is in their presence I realize, a life free of clouds holds no attraction.

Now I see cloudy days in a positive light. May I never shun them again, for I realize clouds build character, add color, and separate the bland from the brilliant.

Dear Lord, I praise You for the lessons You teach me through nature. Forgive me for choosing to retreat from the clouds You allow to come my way. I know You can use the clouds of adversity in my life to cause me to be more relational and compassionate. I pray the beauty of brokenness will attract others to You. In Jesus' Name, Amen.

Hormones, hormones, hormones

**TUESDAY JULY 7**

WARNING: HORMONES AT DANGEROUS LEVELS. MAY SPONTANEOUSLY COMBUST AT ANY MOMENT.





I feel like I need to wear a sign that warns people that they might want to watch out when I'm around. These hormones are kicking in full force. I don't remember it happening this fast last time, but I know each time is different. I was just blah yesterday. Not happy, not sad, just blah. Today, I could smack someone. No one in particular, just anyone who crosses my path. My 3 year old is acting like a 3 year old, and I'm about to go crazy. The t.v., the remote and me are not getting along. I really want to eat, but when I get food in my mouth, I don't want it anymore. (And that is a shame because I really enjoy eating) My thermostat says it's 78 degrees in my house, yet I am freezing, and I can barely hold my eyes open. It's not even 9:00pm yet. Should I go on? No, you're tired of hearing my whine?
Yeah, me too. I'm tired of hearing myself too.

**WEDNESDAY JULY 8**

Well, I feel much better today! I'm in a much better mood, and my appetite has been a little better. I'm not nauseous, which is really good. Last time I was nauseous ALL DAY EVERY DAY for 13 weeks. So, I refuse to be sick this time. I've just decided that I don't want to be sick, and that's that! (I'll let you know how that one goes later) But, I'm still exhausted and I haven't even done anything all day.

It is starting to sink in a little more that I'm actually pregnant again. It's been kind of weird this time. I have been so worried about what other people might think, and dealing with a few less-than-happy responses that I haven't allowed myself to be really excited. But I want to be. I have always wanted more than one child, I just didn't see it happening right now. But God knows what I need better than I do, so I know he will take care of this situation too. I do wish everyone else would stop worrying about money, or raising a child in this economy, and let me live my life. Yes, I know it will be hard, but is everyone just supposed to stop having kids because the economy is in the hole? Really? I don't want any negative feelings about this because I already love this baby and I'm extremely thankful and blessed that God chose to give her/him to me. I guess I haven't messed up too bad with the first one since he is trusting me again!

I am really glad I started this blog too. I don't know what made me start, but now I have somewhere to document all this stuff and it may not be too interesting out there, but one day I'll want to remember these times and this is a great way to do it! So thanks everyone for coming along on this journey with me.

Thank you Lord for all the blessings in my life. I could dwell on the negative things all the time, (trust me, there's alot of negative sometimes), but it is those negative "clouds" that make us appreciate the good things in life a little more. Thank you Lord for my husband, thank you for my precious little boy who is healthy and happy(most of the time), and thank you for this new little life that you have created in me. Please keep us safe and healthy and wrap us in your loving arms. I praise you for all you have done for me as unworthy as I am of any of your love.

(I am going to try to remember to post a beautiful story about those "clouds in life" sometime really soon, if I don't forget! Maybe I'll try to find it now!)

Here we go again!

Life just threw us a big fat curveball!!

Totally unexpected,

out of the blue,

not in the plans,

complete and utter surprise.

Yes, that's right! Caden is going to be a Big Brother!

I'm pregnant!

Trust me, it's a total shock to us too. Not an accident, but a surprise. We have been wanting another baby, but we've talked alot about it and we decided it just wasn't time yet. There are so many things that need to be done around the house, remodeling, painting, decorating, things that cost money. So we had decided to put the pregnancy thing off for a while.

Now I must admit, I've had the "baby fever" pretty bad recently.

But I was determined to stick to the plan.

So much for that! God had a different plan.

I'm so glad he is in total control. I have no idea how we are going to do this, but I know he does. And I guess that's all we need to know. There must be a reason God chose to give us this baby and I'm ok with that. I don't have to know why.

After the shock has worn off a little, I'm really excited and happy. I hate to say it but I really kind of want a girl. I can say that I will be happy either way!

The hubby was super shocked too! The first time around, we were trying. So it was always in the back of our mind. When I told Scottie, he was happy and relieved that it finally happened. It was like a weight had lifted off our shoulders. This time, it was not expected at all. So when I told him, he almost didn't believe me! But after I convinced him I was not joking, he was happy and SHOCKED! I let Caden wear his Big Brother t-shirt around the house until Scottie noticed it. It took him a LONG time to notice it. I had to tell him to look at his son, and it still took him a minute to figure it out. But he is so excited. I'm glad. I knew he would be, but I was still a little nervous telling him.

I've been nervous telling everyone for some reason. I mean, what is that about? It's a baby, what's not to love? But, I guess they are just surprised like we were, so I'll give them time to adjust.

I have not been to the doctor yet, so as far as I can figure the baby should be due around the first of March. The little due date calculator websites say March 7. But I go for an ultrasound on August 3 and we'll get an exact due date then. I've even counted ahead and figured out that it will be October when we can find out what it is. Oh yes, I'm going to find out as soon as they will tell me. I'm not really great with surprises of this magnitude. I had a strong feeling from the moment I found out I was pregnant with Caden that he was a boy, and he was. I'm kind of feeling girl this time, but I may subconsiously be forcing that one! Either way it will be great as long as she/he is healthy.

So, there you have it. We've had a BIG week. A lot of bad, but a lot of good too! We'll talk about the bad later.

I'll leave you with the first official pregnant picture. This is me within 24 hours of finding out the news. (Maybe at 5 weeks) I plan to take one the first of every month.

(kind of makes me mad that this is about the skinniest I've looked in a while, and now I have a reason to have a round belly!) (I've been asked A LOT lately if I was pregnant, (before I really was) and it was beginning to make me feel kind of pudgy)

(I have an unhealthy obsession with parenthesis apparantly)

Ok, cheese out bobos!